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| while the skies' tumbling and rumbling out there, i'm sitting here in front of my desk as the air-con blows sweet-pomegranate air.
this weather is somehow reminiscent of those rainy mornings before i head out to college.
thinking about these can actually be rather comforting, or so i think.
a blanket of comfort seems to be tucked onto me that i feel surrounded with a kinda strage inexplicable peace.
it must be from You; this i am absolutely certain.
your steadfast love overwhelms me.
you choose to be on the side of me when i'm weak
you choose to be on the side of me when i'm fearful
you choose to be on the side of me when i err
you choose to be on the side of me when i give up
you choose to be on the side of me when all of me didn't had the strength to believe
you choose to be on the side of me ALL THE TIME... even when i closed my eyes to your gaze.
Lord, i'm sorry.
i don't wanna depend on myself anymore.
teach me how to walk YOUR way.. | | |
| The boy looked in his lunchbox, at the little that he had. He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed.
But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus; the kindness in His smile. And the boy cried out with a trust of a child he said:
"Take my 5 loaves and 2 fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears, my inhibitions, all my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"
Often, we sing/talk about surrending all, giving all and commiting all unto Him but how many of us are truly able to?
Being one who does so takes a helluva lot of courage as well as willingness to forsake oneself. The road to offering your 5 loaves and 2 fishes, to acty step out on this journey of faith isn't at all easy. How do i begin when i feel so small? Keep on trusting like a child even when the strength to do so seems afar.
All you need is my Amen. Truly, all You need is my Amen. | | |
| Morning. In all the splendidness of today's sunrise, i'd managed to derive some comfort for my crushed soul. Anticipating dawn in the beach might bring new hopes for me. I still wanna, always wanna, marvel w absolute awe at your faithfulness and all of you. New beginnings.. Will i ever be brave enough to embrace it?
Witnessing those beautiful seeds being prayed for during baby dedication yesterday warmed my heart but at the same time, it was pierced as well. Have you forsaken this seed of yours? Do you really need THAT much storms to prune and cultivate this seed? Tell me, how to be brave? | | |
| I just wanna give up. I just wanna stop trying and just drop dead. I won't even bother to runaway or escape. It's tiring, being in such a limbo no one would ever empathise. Why did God even brought me here. I feel so alone. So alone in the battle where i'm totally unarmed. I don't have the ability to fight this battle. Why would You even choose me?! My closest ones are bewildered, they're starting to get disappointed in me, doubting me. I'm afraid to lose their faith and love for me but this might just be a dead end road. Even i abhor myself. I've fallen into this pit, not even a valley, where getting myself out seems impossible. I know it's not; but right now i'm dead. I'm dead from the faith and strength i need. I feel so far from You. This place of darkness is killing me. Where do i go from here? Just tell me where?!! Lord, i don't know anymore. I might not have the ability to go on anymore. Will you be here to assure my shattered heart? | | |
| Bonsoir xanga. I just returned from jerald's grandad's wake. Wow i never knew so many things about him and today's actually the day i spoke THAT much w him. I learnt that he's such an eager learner and alr has goals set for his life. Somehow i saw a younger me in him. I never knew we'd so much to talk about. Such a fine and thoughtful boy he is and i thank God we had this opportunity to catch up today. It was really worth the travel to the far far east. I hope his family will find strength and comfort in this trying period. Bless them Lord.
Today i'm thankful:
•how everything went smoothly
•even the buses/traffic was so smooth!
•for homemade dinner (can't wait! Serving soon! There's salmon, brocolli, mushrooms, fishball. Woooo!)
• for homemade dinner again cos i spent all of my pocket money on the wake and dinner at home was just what i needed most. Thank God for His timely provision.
•blessed bus ride home. Watched pastor prince's 'superabounding grace' sermon and it really opened my eyes. I just know better things are coming along the way and i thank the Lord for it.
You know my innermost heart; i cast my cares onto You, knowing You'll make a way for me and bring me through it. | | |
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handcrafted by God and born precious
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